Monday, September 3, 2007

Cardiothoracic, normalcy, hiding out

I was able to do some straightening around here this morning, just counter top stuff but it was nice to do something "normal." I started a load of laundry, which is the easy part. Getting it finished is always the hard part and who knows when that will be! Could be days, just staying in the dryer until I need it for the next load LOL. It's such a change from my old OCD style. It's funny how things change, isn't it? Life throws you a curve ball and you learn pretty quickly to just do the best you can. And you know what? It's ok. You learn what your priorities really are.

I spoke with a friend of mine yesterday who works at the same hospital where I'll be seeing the cardiothoracic surgeon a week from today. Upon learning who the surgeon is, she had a tremendous enthusiastic response. Apparently he's one of the best docs in the country. I have a great amount of trust in her and feel a lot better now about next week, other than the usual anticipation and nerves. A search this morning brought up tons of links on him. I'm looking forward to getting it over with, though who knows what's going to come of this.

There has been discussion lately at the American Syringomyelia Alliance Project message board on difficulty dealing with things, the feeling we experience sometimes of wanting to just hide away. It has had me thinking of the Third Day song, When the Rain Comes. I go through the same thing as the others, wanting to just retreat. Often I don't want to intrude on others and be a burden, moreso than I already feel I am. Logically I know this really isn't the case, that people do want to understand, be a friend, and help in whatever way they can, even if it's just to listen. It's hard though to break the cycle of keeping things in, of hiding out, even if it's for the best. But the song rings true...

When the Rain Comes, by Third Day

When the rain comes
It seems that everyone has gone away
When the night falls
You wonder if you shouldn't find someplace
To run and hide
Escape the pain
But hiding's such a lonely thing to do

I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you 'til it goes away

When the rain comes
You blame it on the things that you have done
When the storm fades
You know that rain must fall on everyone
So Rest awhile
It'll be alright
No one loves you like I do

When the rain comes
I will hold you


  1. I can relate to those words, especially since I do feel responsible for my predicament, but I don't feel like hiding, everyone in my life seem to want to hide from me...except my friend Tom, my love Sharon, and all my beautiful Chiarian friends...

  2. I can relate to those words Keesha. The more I hurt the more I hide, even from dear hubby. I have this protect mode I go into due to things that happend previously in my life and when I am in that mode, no one can reach me.