Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Tuesday night ramblings

Actually it's Wednesday morning since it's 2:23 a.m. but I doubt anyone is going to argue.

It's just been one of those days. Spinal cord shrieking, lungs crying out to be let go. I was able to sleep and escape for a couple hours this afternoon, which was a blessing.

I crocheted the 6 squares that will make up the 3rd panel of my daughter's blanket. It's coming along nicely and is a good way to try to distract myself from the pain.

I took a poll/survey today with some friends regarding our age. Sometimes the seemingly smallest of things can play with my heart. So I'm 30. My birthday was earlier this year. I'd hoped to have a big day, maybe over the weekend or something. Nothing really happened in that regard but my home group took me and the kids to Applebee's, which was a nice treat.

The poll today though, it's hard to explain. I guess it relates back to the birthday because there's a feeling inside, something I am thinking is jealousy. My friends put their answers, scattered across the decades, and I see them and stare in silence and just wish to reach 31. DH knows though it is not at all costs. Having been on life support before, it is not something I am willing to go through again, especially with this combination of incurable disorders and tumor impacting my brain stem like this.

I should hear from the Dallas surgeon in another day or two, provided the hospital where the cardiothoracic surgeon is located actually faxed the notes. He told his nurse he will call me himself, so I'm very curious. I added a couple of links to the thoracic outlet section on the right--one on quality of life, and other an article from the Mayo Clinic.

Guess that's enough of me rambling in the middle of the night. Hopefully I'll get some naps in later to make up for right now. I have no plans for today, not outside the house anyway. I'm going to check up on the faxing issue and do lots of crocheting.

1 comment:

  1. Oh you poor dear! That makes me sad to know what you are going through! Is there a risk that you might not make it to 31? I totally know what you mean about life support. I don't think I was ever on it, but I did get the treat of waking up intubated! Have you ever done that? It is rather horrifying because it feels like you are suffocating, even though a machine is breathing for you. Is sleep often elusive for you? Applebee's is great! I hope the Dallas guy can do what you need! Oh, and I love the new photo collage you put up! How did you do that? I've been thinking of spicing up my blog with something like that!