Unexpected news. Feelings of defeat.

Today, I met defeat face to face. It never had a name before. Yet on this day it intruded into our home, into our lives.

I've had some troubles the last couple months. Long story short, all of this has been due to temporal lobe seizures. Today I was diagnosed with epilepsy.

Suddenly everything makes sense. Sterling only today reported spotting me several months over the last month staring off into space not moving, asking me multiple times if I'm ok but me taking a couple minutes to answer, confusion, then angry.

I don't remember any of that. What I have noticed though, as have online friends, is that when we're "talking" that without warning I break a sentence and without missing a beat saying something completely unrelated, often nonsensical (sometimes in English, sometimes German, etc.)

Come to find out that my near-daily fight with nausea and vertigo, the passing out, all are signs of this kind of seizure, or pending onset.

Enter defeat. I don't know what to do with this.