Monday, September 17, 2007

God in control

Yesterday was a bit of a long day. I went to bed at 6 a.m. and got up at 7:30. Church started at 9:30 of course. I must admit I have no idea when it ended as I don't have any memory of it at all. Actually I remember just before it started, talking with O. about her new grandbaby. Meds finally started to kick in though and for some time after that there remains a series of flashing silent images in my mind. I know M. said hello afterward, which I always think is so thoughtful and makes me feel special to be remembered, and I can tell she really cares when she asks.

With a 6 and 5 year old both in desperate need of socks, and some nylon sewing thread, we went to Target. I was using the cart to lean on, same as always, and while turning a bit, the 3 rings on my wedding finger came flying off and scattered down the aisle. I was floored and stood there a moment just shocked, Sterling went after one of them, and with the other two being soldered (thank goodness) my 5 year old spotted them pretty quickly. They have never done this before, ever. It threw me for a loop, that quiet little reminder that I can't get my weight under control. I never would have seen that coming though.

We finished up getting everything needed and headed home. Head from Hell was on the rebound, with me unsuccessfully fighting sleep on the journey back. I crashed pretty quickly after getting through the doors.

After getting up, we went to talk to our pastor. We haven't gone together like this in years but life has brought so many challenges. I can try to face this with God or without, but at the same time it is hard for me to lean on the one I married at the same time as trying to protect him from my life, when God never said I had to do that in the first place.


  1. I understand about the weight issues. I fight to stay over 100 pounds and I am 5'11''. I had to get ring sizers to go in my wedding set because they just fall off my fingers. They are almost 2 sizes too big now.

    I try to protect my husband as well. It is so hard because on one hand I really want him to just hold me and help me deal with all of this and on the other hand I try to keep him from seeing the pain and other symptoms I have so I feel like I am giving him some type of "normal" life with me. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health is what we promised before God. It's just hard to expect him to take all of this on top of all the other pressures he has.

    I feel like the universe said, "There you are. The happy couple. I have been looking for you." And in what seemed to be a few seconds our lives changed forever.

  2. Sharon and I never used to pray together before all this happened, but it has a way of bringing you to your knees, at least for us, anyway.

  3. Oh, you poor thing! I had never heard of this disease, and it sounds like it's a bad one. But I see you have a good sense of humor about it--by calling yourself Zipperhead. Don't lose the humor! I found you from you comment on Ambulance Driver's blog. I'm gonna blogroll you as soon as I get a chance. Anyway, suffering sucks, but God can draw us closer to Him during the ordeal!